CONTENT WARNING: one instance of bad language
Morgyn
It has been three weeks since I have recovered from the night-wraith curse, and four since I was miraculously brought back to life by Sage Ó Sé. It takes some time to recover from the shock of the whole process. Horrible nightmares, hallucinations, sickness, and terrible headaches have plagued me for some time. I did not sleep much; every time I tried, I was woken by the ghosts' screams or the sensation that I was dying again.
I was told that not to tell anyone else of what happened,
for now. I informed everyone that I had received a particularly horrible
curse from too much spell practice, and said nothing more on the
matter. Sage Ó Sé gave me strict orders to not practice any spellcasting
for some time, so I spent the last few weeks working on alchemy and
theory work.
I often dream of Róisín. I dream of the two of us sharing what life is like in our respective eras. I dream of her marvelling at all that is different in this new era. I dream of us sitting and watching the moon and learning about one another. I wake and I realise that I will never see her again, and that my only option left is to treasure the little time we had together. She seemed such a sweet person...
I have been visiting her grave every day since my recovery. Sometimes I bring flowers, wolf drawings, sometimes little wolf toys or statuettes if I can find them, and I light her a candle on the weekends. I leave a candle for her father as well, as an apology. Wherever she is, I hope she knows that I am thinking of her.
I can't apologise to Sage Ó Sé enough for what I've done.
I ruined everything for her, for her daughter, and even for the night-wraiths. I got a chance that they never got - to return to the living world. It's no wonder they wouldn't stop screaming at me the way they did. Despite all the hasslr they gave me, I found myself pitying them.
"I would repeat what I have already told you, in that you should not try to alter anything to do with life and death - but, if I had not done the same, then you would not be here today. I understand why you wanted to bring Róisín back, but instead of bringing the dead back to experience a world in which they are accepted, we should instead focus on bettering the world for those who are still living in it."
It is something I still find hard to believe. I cheated death. I have seen the other side of the veil between the living and the dead, yet I highly doubt anyone would believe me if I told them.
Later on, Simeon asks to talk to me a little about what happened. As it turns out, it was Simeon who noticed I was gone from the Realm, it was Simeon who had guessed where I'd headed to and it was Simeon who got Róisín and I back to the Magic Realm. I apologised profusely to him for what I'd put him through.
"Morgyn, you have to be more careful in future. I know your heart was ultimately in the right place, but I never want to be carrying the dead body of a seventeen-year-old in my arms like that ever again. But that's not the only thing I want to talk about. Morgyn, how do you feel about becoming an eventual Sage?"
"I'm rather looking forward to it. Why do you ask?"
"I'm just worried for you, Morgyn, that's all. After all, Leonora and I have had years of experience even before we started training as Sages."
"There's no need for all of this concern," I explain, rather bluntly. "I just wish people would have a little faith in me, and now after what happened, the little faith anyone had in me is going to dwindle to zero."
"I'm
not being overbearing when I keep asking how you're doing, Morgyn. I'm
not being condescending, either. When I was your age, my parents were
very pushy about me training to eventually become a Practical Sage. I
came to enjoy it, to be honest, but when you're young, there's a lot of
pressure- and not just for bloodline casters."
So it seems I do
have something in common with a Practical caster after all- being pushed
around by two people who were supposed to love and support us.
"Sage Ó Sé has
a lot of faith in you, Morgyn. A lot of people have faith in you. I
would honestly say I've never met an ascended caster who has progressed
as quickly as you have. It's incredible, but I feel as if you work too
hard."
I try to quell my anger. Simeon is not like the others; he
knows how to read me, and that is not something that sits well with me.
"No such thing as too much hard work, Simeon."
"Indeed, there is. Burnout is an awful thing. Especially for us- overcharge can be fatal."
"Burnout only applies to rich parents and office workers, Simeon. The rest of us have to power through."
"That's not true," he replies, with a chuckle. "Look, Morgyn, I'm not here to let a mistake you made as a teenager colour the rest of your life. I'm just trying to tell you to look after yourself, that's all. If you're definitely going to go down the path of becoming Sage, it's going to be a busy time for you for the next five to seven years. You're still young. I don't want the rest of your life to be nothing but work."
"I have to keep working harder, Simeon. There's no such thing as being 'good enough'. All you can do is become better than you were before. No excuses."
"I don't know you who feel you're not 'good enough' for, Morgyn- but you're good enough for Sage Ó Sé, and you're good enough for us. I don't want you to ever forget that. I spent so much of my childhood working on trying to impress Mother and Father that I didn't think to have a life outside of that. I don't want the same to happen to you."
three years later
The very position we've spent years practicing for, is soon to dawn on us. Simeon and I have passed all the necessary trials and examinations, and the Ascension ceremony is coming up soon. I keep saying it in my head- Sage Faba. It's got a ring to it, hasn't it?
"Don't you worry about the kid?"
Ah,
Simeon, always the worry-wort. Morgyn is probably the most hard-working
ascended caster I've ever met. I don't think I've seen them take much
of a break from learning spells or working on paperwork. It took us
nearly five years to complete our Sage's training 'course', since it
requires an ungodly amount of learning to become a master of a certain
school of magic- not only that, but all Sages were required to master
potions as well.
Morgyn has almost completed all of their
training in a mere three years. Maybe we could have done, too, but there
was no way we were doing all of that work without any play. Even Simeon
knows to take a break and have fun, even if his idea of fun is lame to
me.
"I think they'll be fine."
"They're
only twenty, Leonora. Morgyn should be out enjoying themselves with
friends, not standing over a cauldron until they almost pass out. I
mean, I don't know if they even have any friends now."
"They know what they want better than we do, Simeon."
"You knew what you wanted when you were that age, did you?"
"Of course not, but...Look, Simeon- the Sage has been keeping an eye on them. I mean, they're inseparable."
When
I think about it, concerns about a new Untamed Sage have not been a
thing for hundreds of years. Since the dawn of the Magic Realm, there
has only been one Untamed Sage, adamant that she would never hand her
position to anyone else- but in her poor health, she didn't have any
other choice.
Still, how could you replace someone like her- a traditional witch from the olden days? I guess it's not necessarily about replacing the previous Sages- it's about bringing in a new wave of spellcasters, so that the education of magic is always changing, and mostly staying relevant with the times.
Before
Simeon heads back to the Academy, I throw my arms around him in
congratulation. We don't always understand each other, but I'd still
call him a friend.
Something comes to mind, though, when I think about Sage Ó Sé...
"Does Morgyn know about her illness?"
"I almost mentioned it a while back, but I bit my tongue. I think it's for the best."
Morgyn
You must remember every spell in exact detail.
You must remember every potion recipe, every exact blend and quantity of every exact ingredient.
You must remember the history of magic, from the early witches right up until the modern spellcasters.
You must remember how to perform a Rite of Ascension.
The basics of Untamed Magic, the biology of magic, the symptoms of overcharge, the art of the duel. There is no room to make any mistakes.
Having passed the exam is one thing, but actually applying the knowledge I have will be another entirely.
I admit, I ignored both Simeon and Leonora's advice and did not pace myself at all, having completed all the expected assignments and examinations in three years - a record. It's left me physically and mentally exhausted, but it's done - and now we can focus on the fun part. The other students have put out some balloons and celebratory food around the realm - on the picnic benches for Simeon, in the dining hall for Leonora, and in the common area for me. All of these congratulations and well-wishes are making me well up a little...
"You must be so excited!"
"Excited? I'd be shitting myself!"
"Wouldn't it be kind of weird to be taught by someone younger than you?"
"Wouldn't that make you, like, the youngest Sage ever?"
"No, thankfully no, possibly, and yes."
I am equal parts excited and equal parts ready to crumble into a thousand pieces on the floor. It is only one day away from the Sages' Ascension Ceremony, a fun celebration complete with a ritual of sorts, a feast, and a speech which I have yet to plan.
"You're still going to be friends with us, right?"
"Of course. I may not have the same amount time that I used to for you all, but you will always be my friends. I apologise for not being too jovial about all of this. It's a lot to think about."
"I mean, this is kind of a big deal. The first new Untamed Sage in three-hundred years. You're allowed to be on-edge."
We've been friends for almost four years; why do they think I would ever be honest about negative feelings? Of course I'm nervous. Even after all these years, I haven't managed to kick the naysaying voices from my mind. It fills me with shame. My friends, my mentor, Simeon and Leonora have all tried all they can to give me a boost of confidence, and even then I cannot silence the voices in my mind. It makes me feel selfish and ignorant, even if it technically isn't my fault. I politely take my leave from the celebrations to take a walk out in Glimmerbrook to clear my mind - that is, until I am interrupted.
"Morgyn, I need to speak with you urgently. To put it as politely as possible, I think you should reconsider becoming Sage for a multitude of reasons. First off, I do feel that you are far too young for that kind of responsibility. Second, I fear that you may be a little too chaotic even for the role of Untamed Sage, and thirdly, I believe that Sage Ó Sé is only doing this out of desperation and has not considered how this might affect you in the long run."
Who does this man think he is?!
"And why on Earth would I care for the opinion of a Practical Sage on the future of Untamed magic?"
"Because I've spent longer on this Earth than you have, Morgyn. The youngest Sage to ever have taught here in the realm was Moeti Anansi, three centuries ago, and he was in his early thirties at least."
"What does my age have to do with my ability? If Sage Ó Sé thought me incapable, Ethren, then she would have waited for someone else! On top of that, are we really going to hold me accountable forever for what happened back when I was a teenager? I've apologised to everyone involved multiple times and I visit Róisín's grave every day without fail! What more do you expect me to do, Ethren? Do you expect me to walk around with 'I committed necromancy three years ago' written on my forehead?!"
"All I'm doing is voicing concerns, Morgyn! Contrary to the popular belief of this Realm, you are not beyond reasonable criticism! I'm doing this for your sake - because I don't want you to ruin yourself with the immense pressure being a Sage carries! You evidently are not stable enough for the role!"
"You aren't exempt from criticism either, Ethren, and I'm not just going to let it slide that you have no faith whatsoever in the woman that hired you, the woman that gave you a chance to give yourself and others a better life through magic! That is what she does. She did it for me, and she did it for you - only either you don't see it, you don't appreciate it, or both!" I won't stand there and let him slander my mentor the way he has.
"Of course I have faith in her."
"Then trust that she has made the correct decision in asking me to be her successor. The very last thing I'm going to do is let Sage Ó Sé down. I would rather die - again - than upset her a second time."
"If you wouldn't mind, Ethren, I'd like to ask that you say nothing of this at or during the Sages' Ascension ceremony. I'm having enough trouble with self-doubt as it is."
Glimmerbrook is a place that is eternally beautiful in every season. The blankets of white glierring snow are swapped out for a rainbow of flowers. Unfortunately, I see the very last people I expect to show up on a stroll that was meant to clear my head...and now I'm back to square one.
"Ah! There you are, all grown up-"
"Don't talk about me as if you care. Why are you here?!"
"We wanted to express our apologies for all we did," Wilhelmina says, switching on the crocodile tears almost immediately. "It's been so many years without you-"
"And look how well I'm doing now I'm no longer in your company," I tell them. "Did you miss having someone to control and push around?"
"What? No, we-"
"Yes, you did. I know fake tears when I see them, Wilhelmina."
I let them whine and grovel on and on, soaking up the satisfaction of it all like a sponge. They both looked pathetic. Nothing had changed.
"Please, Morgyn. All we ask is that you forgive us."
This is too much fun to let go for the moment.
"Alright, then. Both of you, beg for my forgiveness. If you succeed, I'll forgive you. If you don't, well... we'll see."
To my surprise, they did exactly as I told them - no Minionise needed. They begged like starving dogs for a sliver of a second chance that I knew was entirely false. I think they could see it themselves as they begged that the chance was long gone. I am no longer the worrisome teenager they remember.
"I've never seen a worse performance in my entire life. That won't do, I'm afraid."
Inferniate is my first choice, but I decide to reduce it to Chillio so that people won't try to guilt-trip me about it for the next seven years.
I have to say, they're much more preferable as silent ice statues. Their panicked faces are frozen completely still, and will be for the next few hours or so. As much as I'd love to stay and admire the terror in their eyes, I ought to get back to the realm and prepare for the eventual ceremony...
I try to fight my nerves with my sketchbook...
...but, in doing so, I realise there are some things I will have to shed and leave behind. I decide I ought to make the most of this moment, since it will be the last time in potentially my entire life that I will have time for recreation and hobbies.
I retreat back to the cosy place deep inside of the back of my mind for the very last time.
The fantasy stories and creatures that guarded me as I grew up, they served me well, but now I cannot rely on them; I can only rely on myself. I am no longer the scared child in need of protecting. I can wield fire, ice and lightning - I no longer need to be afraid.
I have to shed the cocoon that has protected my mind all these years, that has allowed me to flourish into something beautiful, vibrant and capable. The dragon lets out a rumbling breath from its nostrils as it lays down, almost sounding like the purr of a cat. It's almost upsetting, but it's necessary. Teenage Morgyn must remain buried in the past where they belong, no matter how much others may try to make them resurface for the sake of false concerns.
The dragon draws its final breath and lays its head down. I place a hand on its nose before I walk away.
The dragon dissolves into nothingness, and I owe it all of my thanks.
Áine
I gently knock on the door to check on them. A weak voice asks me to come in. I'm not surprised that Morgyn has managed to keep this room in such perfect condition throughout the years, though I see the plush toy gifts are no longer there, and the hobby materials on their desk are replaced with spell tomes and notebooks.
Could Ethren be correct? Could I have truly put too much pressure on them?
"Are you alright, child?"
"Not quite. I was fine, but I managed to run into my parents again, as well as Sage Reyes's implications that I am not fit for the role..."
"If you were not fit for the role, Morgyn, then I wouldn't have...Morgyn, please be honest with me. Have I piled too much on you with this-"
"No," they reply, sharply. "Not at all. It's just some poor timing, that's all. Had either of those things not have happened, I'd be fine. I'd be ready."
"I have something that might give you a little extra confidence," I say to them, handing them a red and black gift box.
"Sage Ó Sé, you didn't have to do this at all. Thank you."
The gift I have bought for them is something rather expensive created by the well-known Mahmood family tailors in Willow Creek - a gorgeous silk red coat with gold embroidery and a white turtleneck jumper, fitted with a sort of metal symbol.
"Isn't that wonderful? Finally, you are wearing something that isn't black," I say, in jest. It prompts a little chuckle from them. "It suits you wonderfully! Don't you look all grown-up? It feels like just yesterday you arrived here in this realm."
"I dread to think how much you spent on this, Sage Ó Sé. It's wonderful."
"You're worth the effort, Morgyn. Besides, like everything else, it's the Annorins' money, so don't feel guilty. Does it all fit okay? Not too scratchy or anything?"
"It's absolutely perfect," they reply, admiring the embroidery. I notice a smile slowly rising. "It's surprising, isn't it? How a change of wardrobe can turn everything around in a mere moment. Wearing this, I feel a sense of pride and confidence coming back to me already. Three years ago, I would have never seen myself in a position of power or influence like this. It is almost like a dream."
"Thank you, Sage Ó Sé, from the bottom of my heart. This means the world to me. I don't know what else to say."
"You need not say anything, my child. You've worked incredibly hard, and I am proud to call you my successor.”
"I have a question. Once I become Sage, where will you go? Will you remain here?"
"I am unsure, Morgyn, but wherever I go, you'll be one of the first to know. You can visit whenever you need to."
"Please, don't go too far."
It is surprising to think back to when Morgyn Ember first arrived at the academy, nervous and desperate. In such a short amount of time, they were already going to become a Sage. It is endearing how much older Morgyn looks in this outfit; they are no longer the anxious child they once were, but of course, an Ascension ceremony re-awakened those old feelings of hopelessness. After all, it's a lot of pressure- the first new Untamed Sage in centuries, and at such a young age...
Once I eventually reveal to them my further request, I am worried it will only be more on their shoulders- but by the time I have prepared it, they will be ready.