CONTENT WARNING: reflection on a dead child, but it's only brief.
Daniel
It was...weird, I guess. I'd never seen him so angry before, yet he stormed in and immediately started yelling at me.
Gideon told him. He told him everything! My father always says he'll do 'anything for his boys', then goes and tells Eli about my time as a witchfinder?!
He shouted that I should've told him sooner, that 'maybe he would have understood' if I hadn't have kept it from him. No, of course he wouldn't have understood! He'd have still been pissed off about it, of course he would have!
I bluntly told him it would have made no difference, because Eli's over-emotional and always jumps to conclusions every single time. Even after he knew it wasn't my fault and knew I didn't kill anyone, he's still annoyed at me. He seemed less annoyed at Father, who's killed hundreds of witches and stabbed Oskar in the leg, when I just scratched him. I told him that as well. I don't get it - why do father's and Oskar's bloodshed get swept under the rug when I'm being treated like a demon for doing comparatively little harm, in circumstances hardly within my control?
Eventually, he completely gave up listening to me at all, and simply told me to get out. Wouldn't hear me out any longer despite the fact that what happened was Volpe's fault, not mine. I attacked Oskar in self-defence. I wasn't going to let him kill me, was I...whether he was Eli's beloved adoptive father or not.
I grabbed what I could that was mine, and made my way out. No soppy goodbyes or anything like that. If he wasn't going to listen to what I had to say, then I didn't see the point of leaving on good terms.
I slightly regret it now, but did lose it with him. I told him that maybe Father was right, that I should have never trusted an Annorin- that they're all entirely self-serving. I tried not to be swayed by what everyone said about them, and in trying to be open-minded- well, look how that turned out.
It's been a while since. There's no point trying to fix anything with Eli. He doesn't want to listen to me, he doesn't want to think about the complexities. He wonders why everyone lies to him when he can never handle the truth, or he refuses to believe it. I don't see why that should be my problem.
"Is that so bad, Daniel? Is this not good enough for you now?"
I shouldn't have said that to him, should I?
After my time as a witchfinder, I got so used to the money and the fancy clothes that I completely forgot about my own father, and everything that he's done to keep both Josiah and I clothed and fed.
"No, Father. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"
"Why don't you go and study? Your brother's doing well."
"You know it as well as I do, Father...Josiah's always been the smart one."
"That's nonsense. You're both capable of brilliant things. I'm more than proud of both of you."
"The weather's not so bad. Should we go fishing?"
* * *
The awkward silence is covered up by the rippling of the River Bagley, until I finally decide to say something.
"Father - I'm sorry for what I said earlier. It was ungrateful of me. We have more than most people do. I should have realised that. I guess being a witchfinder and being with Eli blinded me to it all."
"You were right all along to have doubts about Eli. I tried keeping an open kind, but you were right about him. He's no different from the others."
Father awkwardly pulls back the fishing rod, but nothing's biting for him. He seems to be in pain, but trying not to react to it. Before he decided to sell the fish at the marketplace, he'd stand out here for hours trying to at least catch dinner if there wasn't enough fish to sell. I wouldn't be surprised if it'd have given him back problems of some sort.
"Everything you've done for us...You deserve a better son than me. You deserve another Josiah."
"Don't speak nonsense, boy," he replies, looking desperately into the water. "You both mean the world to me. I understand. You found a whole new life for yourself and now you're back living with your old man."
"That's fine by me, Father. After all, you are getting on a bit now," I add, laughing.
There's a tug on the line. With a bit of struggling, I manage to yank it out from the water. With it comes a silvery-pink fish - a kissing gourami. Not the biggest fish in the world, or the most valuable- but there's a kind of warmth in my chest as I look at it, a sensation of success I missed having.
"See? Not so bad, is it, son?"
"You know, Father...now that I think about it, I think I missed doing this. Maybe we can get Josiah to do this with us again- that's if Mr. Eventual-Physician isn't too good for us now!"
Owen
Little Simon wakes us both during a nap with his infernal screeching cry.
Lydia is doing her best to comfort him; we've been taking turns, but it seems nothing is settling him down.
"Come on, Simon, you're only supposed to be like this with your father! Speaking of your father- when are you going to take over?"
"Ah. It seems Eli has ended his relationship with Daniel."
The handwriting is rushed; he wrote this in the heat of his anger, I have no doubt. I'm wondering if what happened is something Eli took to heart when it wasn't needed, or perhaps he made a brash decision without considering all of the facts or evidence. He claims that Daniel failed to tell him a truth from years ago, and that he attacked Oskar Nivelheim, claiming it was in 'self-defence', and that Volpe forced him to become a witchfinder with a threat to his entire family if he refused. Daniel claims he never killed or hurt anyone else, and Eli doesn't believe him.
Perhaps I ought to have a word with Daniel. I have little doubt that Eli's decision was not made rashly, and I imagine that Daniel is a little upset by all of this. They seemed wonderful together, and I imagine Daniel learned of his emotional nature quickly. Even if he did tell Eli earlier, Eli would likely have not understood.
Lydia sings a little song to Simon, gently rocking him in her arms until his crying dissolves into cheerful babble, eventually falling asleep on her. He's beyond precious.
"You feel that?" Lydia coos, as Simon's foot gently brushes her stomach. "That's your sibling in there. Are you excited to meet them?"
I was overjoyed to find out that Lydia was pregnant again; our little family is growing fast- and so is my wife. We made sure to spend some time with Lucia every other day or so. We don't want her to think we've forgotten about her, wherever she may be.
"You know, if we have another baby, I hope science has advanced enough by then that you can take over. I don't think it's unfair to ask you do your share."
"If it were possible, I'd be glad to. It seems an enlightening experience."
"Of course it does, from the outside," Lydia replies, laughing, pecking me on the cheek as she heads downstairs.
"One moment - where's Tilly?"
"Oh? Tilly's not well," Alex says. The way he scoffs down supper, you'd think we never fed him at all otherwise. "She was confused, unsteady on her feet and her nose was bleeding."
Bleeding? Unsteadiness? Confusion? Could it be that... Goodness. It'd explain how she was so quick and efficient, but there's only way to find out- I need to go and check on her. The trouble is - is she going to want to explain any of it to me?
"I see. I'll see to her-"
"You'll see to her after supper," Lydia demands. "You'll be confused and unsteady as well if you keep skipping meals."
* * *
I put my ear to her door to see if she is still awake. I can hear a muffled sound- something tearful. I wonder what's gotten her down? Perhaps I can try and talk to her. The teenagers are always the hardest for me to get through to. It was always the same when Eli was still a teenager, and I feel it was a big part of what created emotional distance between us at that point. Too young to truly understand the old, and too old to truly understand the young - one of my many joys of my late thirties.
"Tilly? Are you alright?"
"Please, Dr. Annorin, don't come in!" she cries. "It's - well, it's - that...that time!"
"I see. Well, I'm sure we can clean off some cloth rags for you if you need them. We've just made supper- if you eat something, it might ease the pain."
Her crying only gets louder.
"Tilly, you needn't feel ashamed. If you need to rest, then do so-"
"But you'll kick me out! I'm sorry, I can't do anything today! Everything hurts too much! I'm useless to you!"
"I won't kick you out, Tilly. I'd be grateful if you let me at least talk to you, if you're decent. I can't help you with your pain otherwise." I don't like being so insistent, but if her illness is a result of overcharge, I can ease her anxieties and make her realise she is safe and not alone.
There's a pause, and her sobbing begins to ease. "Okay, fine. Come in."
When I enter, she's lying on the bed in a stiff pose, and she grimaces
as she cranks her neck to look at me. This is most definitely more than
just menstruation, if she was even telling the truth. Her eyes are
bloodshot, her breathing is heavily, and there's a smear of blood under
her nose. I ask her to lift her arm; her pulse is a little fast, and she's a little cold, like Reynold was. She looks at me the way a rabbit eyes a fox.
"I'm sorry, Dr. Annorin-"
"Owen is fine, Tilly."
"Okay. I just can't do anything today. I don't know when I'll get better. Alex helped me back here. I just felt dizzy and I almost dropped all of the plates when I was making dinner. I'm so useless!"
"You aren't useless, Tilly, you are unwell- they are two very different things," I tell her, trying to keep a calm voice for her. "If you can tell me more about what happened, then I can try and see what I'd recommend to help you recover."
She stalls again. The way she looks around and stares right through me, it's incredibly similar to the way Reynold was when he visited. Thankfully, Tilly doesn't seem to look as bad as Reynold did.
"I just feel achy all over," she explains, her voice clearly strained with pain. "I can't say any more than that. I don't want to lose my job. I like it here."
"Tilly, I won't fire you, I promise. I just want to try and help."
Tilly slowly raises herself. "You won't?"
I can only help her if she's honest with me. I suppose the only way I can get her to be honest with me is if I, too, open up to her.
"No. I have a good idea of what might be ailing you- and I apologise for my insistence, but if it is what I believe it is, then I fully understand why you do not want to tell me-"
I think back to my mother's encouragement and teachings, and I conjure an orb of raw magic in my hands.
"If you are like me and have magic in your blood, then it might be a case of overcharge. You needn't worry, and you needn't-"
She's so shocked that she ends up falling off the bed. I help her to her feet, but she can hardly speak.
"What? You? Dr. Annorin? Magic? You? Magic? But- But- Science! Medicine! Magic! How?"
I can't help but chuckle. "A big surprise, I see."
"Of course it is!" Her exasperation soon melts into sorrow. "You're probably one of the most popular faces of medicine in Henford and you!- and - and you've had to hide it too, haven't you? You've had to keep it to yourself. It's horrible, isn't it?
Yes, Owen, I have magic. Everyone in my family does- it's why my family is full of housemaids; I use magic to make food and clean. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I'm sure you understand why not. I was lying about the time of month. I almost fainted, I think, and had a terrible headache and nosebleed."
"I understand, and you needn't apologise. A friend of mine who is a witch had similar symptoms to you when he performed a powerful spell that overpowered him. His condition was far worse than your own, but I recommend you rest, and when you're able to return to your duties, perhaps stick to manual cleaning and cooking for a while. Don't you worry, you'll still be paid- I'm sure Lydia, Alex and I will be fine for a week or two. And whilst I have patients, please go careful- make sure no one sees you. I do not want to tell you this, but for your own safety...I wouldn't want anything to happen to you."
Her eyes almost look teary.
"If anyone knew about you, I dread to think what would happen to you. Even with your status, they'd probably-"
"Hang me? Most definitely, and as much as I'd like to be more open with my mother's gift, a lifetime of being told the opposite by my father made me reluctant, as well as the current...climate."
"Thank you, Owen, really. I appreciate it." She lets out a big sigh of relief. "I can't believe it. This is the first time someone not related to me knows about me. And I don't have to feel ashamed for it for the first time in my life as a housemaid. I'm lucky to have such kindness. Many in my family work in horrific households of vile people, but you, Lydia and Alex are wonderful. I hope you know that."
"And we appreciate you just as much, Tilly. You're a hard-working young lady."
"Oh, Owen- please, please don't tell anyone about me. I won't tell anyone you have magic either, I promise!"
"I don't expect someone so young to keep secrets for me, Tilly. It wouldn't be proper. That said, I appreciate it- and of course, I will be sure to keep it to myself."
I grant Tilly a good night, and I head to my laboratory to find a pain relief potion that doesn't have too much of a magic concentration in it as to not worsen the overcharge. I can't help but feel terrible for her. I do hope she doesn't overwork herself.
[Tilly's diary entry]
For the first time in my life, I feel understood by someone outside of my family. I might just be the luckiest housemaid in Henford- and in the world! But now I'm worried about Dr. Annorin. I hope he will be okay. It's still a scary world we live in, but made less scary now, and by someone who most people are intimidated by. He and Lydia aren't anything like I expected. I am glad I am here.