CONTENT WARNING: Bereavement, violence, mentions of death and murder as usual...and a bit of bad language.
- references to sexual acts, but not in detail
- Some horror-ish shots of vamp!Violeta
Violeta
Once every month, I make the journey to see my son in Windenburg.
He rests next to his father and mother, Johann and Lorelei. I hope that they are as proud of him as I am. I hope that he is laughing and sharing stories with Ilse, with old friends, and with those who fought alongside him in the Bloodmoon.
To say that I have overcome it would be inaccurate. I knew him for hundreds of years... It feels eerily silent, to visit Oskar and hear nothing but the wind and the birds. When we first met, I got a little overwhelmed by the long-winding explanations and the wild tangents he'd go on, but eventually, his voice and his passion were a source of comfort. I would do anything to hear his voice again.
However, the past year or so has forced me to argue with myself over and over in my own mind. The conflict that killed my son and plenty of others, it reminded me of my own life since my turning.
I have no regrets for all of the bloodshed, for drinking from people merely to survive. Now that the bloodshed had taken someone dear to me, it forces me to look upon myself and think...
Nearly two-hundred years, all dedicated to anger, revenge, and power gained by spilling blood. I had my power taken from me, regained it by force and never let it go- and now, I find myself pondering if my actions have been disproportionate in a lot of cases.
It's a bizarre thought. I've lived my entire life post-vampirism as the terrifying, powerful woman I always wanted to be as a human. What kind of a woman does not dream of being a fear-inducing monster at some point, after all?
I get what I want, by any means necessary. I am cold, I am heartless, I am blunt when I need to be. I have no empathy to distract me from what really matters. I do not stand for petty men and their power games. Schadenfreude, Oskar called it, the glory in your enemies' suffering. Now, there is little point in my acting in such ways all of the time. I have a different kind of power now- in the brush, in helping other women find their true selves in something fulfilling and soothing.
What use is a mother's rage, when she has no son left to protect? No, I must save my anger for when it is truly needed. It's been so many years- I cannot let it rule my life anymore.
Of course, easier said than done, isn't it? I could never be a pacifist- some people don't deserve to be left alive. That said, perhaps I can focus on my painting, and trying to live a normal life in Henford until I grow bored of the place.
My catharsis through art isn't just benefitting me, however. I am still running my art classes, and I let everyone go at their own pace. Dinah pays for classes, though she is already experienced, and paints beautiful but eerie landscapes. Clementia came along as she said she would. She's a little unsure of herself, but she seems to enjoy it.
Dinah became my customer - and I became one of hers.
Vampirism greatly diminishes intimate feelings, so for someone to be able to give you such pleasure...it's incredible. Dinah and I had spoken more often after Oskar's death, as friends, and I found myself wanting to get to know her better. Dare I admit it, I'd begun to feel the sting of what I think might have been loneliness- so I hired her.
Dinah has something of an attraction to the thought of being bitten by a vampire. I'd put my hands into hers, and as I sank my teeth gently into her neck, I'd feel her fingers clench around my own. This combination of power and pleasure is indescribable.
Normally, I drank violently from witchfinders. To drink from someone who also took pleasure from a vampire's bite, there was something far more enjoyable about it. Usually, my drive from power comes from a threat to a foe- from the terror in their eyes.
To derive it from the beauty of someone who trusted me enough to let me drink their blood? The way Dinah would let go and gradually slump into my grasp, putting her life willingly into my hands? The role-play of predator and prey...could it be more powerful than the hunt itself? I felt a desire to snap the necks of the witchfinders, but I felt a desire of protection for her- a responsibility, of sorts, as vampires do. Not in the motherly sense, mind you- as a creature capable of such devastation, you would do anything in your power to protect those who were kind enough to sate you like this.
When we realised she'd had enough for the session, I'd lay her on the bed to rest, and keep an eye on her until morning. Depending on how busy she was, I'd make her some tea and breakfast, and we'd talk as friends before she returned home. Dinah's simultaneous professional distance and closeness worked for us both. I would not get attached, I would not overdo it, but we both got something out of it.
Dinah's blood tastes like a floral perfume to me. It tastes like a spring morning. She's beautiful, inside and out, and worth every Simoleon. She is the kind of woman anyone would want, whether for a friend or a partner- and it's no wonder she's so highly sought-out. Then again, like anyone offering a service, she has her favourite regulars, and I'm rather proud to be one of them. She doesn't get a lot of female customers, and she tells me variety makes the profession a little more interesting.
It has been a long time since I last lay with a woman, but Dinah has a kind of talent that is well worth paying for. A lot of the time, however, all I pay her for is comfort moreso than intimacy. Sometimes, we would simply lie in each other's arms, and sometimes we'd talk about whatever came to mind.
At first, I was ashamed to think of it. Violeta Vasile Nicolae? Vulnerable? - but Dinah had told me there was no shame in my hiring her simply for comfort's sake, and that many did. There's nothing quite so soothing for the body and soul as a woman's embrace.
* * *
This morning, there is nothing transactional about our meeting. Dinah, as a friend, comes over for a light meal and a chat.
"I feel like I'm going mad," I tell her. "Since when does Violeta reconsider violence?"
"You aren't going mad. It's called growth," she tells me, in her sultry tone. "You've got something else to devote yourself to now. Of course, you know how it is, the balancing act..." She runs her hand through her hair. As a lady of the night, she's no doubt had to defend herself now and again. "Don't lose your edge entirely. You'll need it at some point."
"I hate to admit this, but you've everything any woman would want to be, Dinah. Beautiful, charistmatic, the perfect balace of kind and fierce."
I notice she blushes a little, and chuckles to herself. "Years of having to carve out a personality to suit my work, Violeta, that's what that is. But I don't mind. I'm good at it, and the men of Henford know better than to try anything they shouldn't."
Some of Dinah's customers, before they got to the act itself, admitted they were witchfinders to her. Anyone who admitted to being a witchfinder, she would do nothing with them, and she'd find a way to get rid of them. I bet they'd no doubt accuse Dinah of being a witch for her charm alone, so it was something she did to protect herself as well as others.
I am about to break the wordless rule we'd subconsciously set ourselves - about not discussing my son.
"I just keep comparing myself to him. Oskar was so loving and friendly to everyone. He was like a father figure to everyone he met. I wish I could be more like Oskar, but I can't be him, Dinah. I can't be a mother- not to anyone else other than him."
"You don't need to be motherly to feel fulfilled," Dinah says to me. She puts an arm around me, and leans her cheek against my head.
The door knocks. I tell them it's open, and Oskar's son enters, a dour expression on his face.
Eli has been distant with me ever since Owen revealed the truth about Samuel to him. I don't mind that Owen told him what I did, but the reason both Owen and I didn't tell him was to protect him. I couldn't be a mother to him, I couldn't be another Oskar- but I tried to be caring and comforting with him when he needed it, and I don't think it worked. Even when I try to be warm and comforting, it never works.
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
"Not at all. Why the urgency?"
Eli sighs to himself. Part of me almost mourns the old Eli, seeing him like this.
"I overheard some witchfinders at the inn, and they were talking about something I think you ought to hear. They were...talking about the man who killed your son, and my father."
No. No, it's been years.
Whoever killed Oskar was amongst the dead at the scene. Oskar would have told me on his dying breath, I know he would have.
He would have told me!
"After all these years?! Who?"
All of my musing over trying to find peace within myself, and all this has done has set me back. Whoever this person is, I want to tear them to shreds. I want to make every second of their life agony for what they did to him!
The way Eli struggles to get his words out, it's someone closer to home than we both would have expected, I know it.
"Gideon Reyes," he explains. "Dan's father."
What? Eli's own partner's father?
Without any further delay, I demand Eli tell me where he lives- and I demand that he joins me. Whatever answers I'm going to get, Eli deserves to hear them.
Gideon
There's a raging thunderstorm outside, and I find myself gradually falling asleep in the chair, as always.
There's a knock at the door. As I open it, sharp, monstrous claws grip my throat, and the figure charges me to the ground. The screeching sound it makes- it's exactly the same as the one I heard back during the witch-hunt. It's like scraping metal; I'd never forget it.
It tightens its grip around my throat, and its bony, vestigial arms dangle by its side. Her leathery red wings unfurl, and her glowing eyes are looking straight through me.
Who - what is she? What does she want?
"What did you do to him?!"
"To who?" I can barely force the words out of my throat.
"To my son!" she screams. "What did you do to Oskar?!"
Oskar...This is his mother? What kind of vampire looks like this?
A familiar sickness pools in my stomach. I've been trying to forget that day for so many reasons. I felt guilty enough having to kill him, even though I didn't in the end- and now I realise that, if I did, I'd have left a mother without her son.
"Don't just gawk at me! Explain!"
"Violeta! Get off him!"
A familiar voice arrives at the door- a young man. Daniel's partner.
"I overheard something from some witchfinders at the inn- talking about Gideon, 'the man who killed my father.' I know that he fought with you, and it involved myself and Dan, somehow."
A puff of black smoke dissipates, leaving a middle-aged woman in a wide-brimmed hat standing where the monster was.
"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Violeta!"
She almost snarls at Eli, and takes her hand off my arm. They have reason to know the truth, though I don't know if either of them will believe it. As for Eli being here, well...I think he's owed an extra truth that's been denied to him, as much as Daniel will despise me for it.
"Very well. No, I did not kill Oskar. However, I was hired to. Now, hearing that awful sound, I realise I left the scene of his death shortly before you must have found him."
She's doing everything in her power to keep her nerve now, but I can see the monstrous form lingering under her eyes already.
"Hired? By whom?"
"By a Lord Eduardo Volpe."
She bares her fangs at me, and Eli calls out to her again. It doesn't matter- she can try whatever she likes.
"Your displays of intimidation won't work on me, Violeta. I wasn't scared of Oskar, I'm not scared of Volpe, and I'm certainly not scared of you!"
"That's nice," she spits. "Now, why don't you explain why you were hired by the worst man in Henford to kill my son?"
"Your son threatened to kill my son. At the time, that's why I offered to kill Oskar, but when I arrived, I couldn't do it..."
"We were both fathers trying to protect our sons, Violeta. He was already dying of illness and his wounds. He realised last minute that we both had an enemy in Volpe. He gave me his cloak, his necklace and his sword, covered in blood, and told me to give it to Volpe as 'proof' that I killed him."
Violeta gasps at me, seemingly honed into something about me. "I...I can tell by your pulse," she says, in surprise. "You're telling the truth."
"Of course I'm telling the truth," I retort. "It's eaten away at me these past years as well."
"But how did you know of his illness?"
She isn't going to like my answer, but I owe her honesty.
"We fought previously, both trying to stand up for our children. I'd given Eli hassle over him being an Annorin, over fears he would mistreat my son- which he hasn't. During the fight, I stabbed him in the leg. When I saw his blood was discoloured, I stopped. I wasn't going to fight a dying man to the death, nor was I going to kill one for Lord Volpe."
Violeta looks at me like she's about to strike me down for some time, but she clasps her hands together and grits her teeth instead. Eli seems surprised.
"Oskar never told me who'd injured him that night," she tells me. "Said he'd probably pulled a muscle. You could have saved yourself hassle, killed him, and given Lord Volpe what he wanted- and you didn't. You lied to one of the most dangerous men in Henford because you refused to kill a defenseless man, even one that you hated. I would kill anyone for my son, Gideon...and it seems you are not so different. You are a man who would do anything for his children to protect them. So am I. So was Oskar.
I am not happy that you injured him, but...in the end, you defied someone who would kill you, and told the truth to someone who could kill you twice as easily. For your honesty, Gideon Reyes...I dare to say I thank you. The way he was laid against the rock, with blood smeared next to him- was that your doing?"
"I lay him there to comfort him a little. He was weak on his legs and about to collapse. I tried to help him more, but he told me to leave him be."
"He never mentioned anything of you on his dying breath," Violeta says, shattered emotions sprinkled throughout her voice. "If he wanted me to get retribution, he'd have ensured I remembered your name. I imagine he forgave you. I believe Oskar would want me to forgive you, also, and so I shall. You've given me a lot of closure, Gideon. Thank you, genuinely."
"There's just one thing, though." Eli chimes in. "You say Oskar attacked Dan, which he had no reason to. And what reason did you have for agreeing to Lord Volpe that you'd kill Oskar? Because I highly doubt he did anything to hurt Dan."
The difficult part. Dan should have told him the truth. If Dan would have told him, Eli would have believed that he had no choice in the matter. I have to be honest with him.
"The reason Oskar attacked Daniel, Eli...is because Lord Volpe forced him to become a witchfinder."
The way his eyes dart away for a second- I expected nothing less.
"It was after the night you two fell asleep at the inn, he told me, when he was on the way home. It was either join him, or have his family killed-"
He's not listening. Ever since I said 'witchfinder', a furious look crosses his face.
"So I've been in love with a witchfinder? For years? And Dan said nothing to me about this after saying he'd never do such a thing?!"
"He had no choice, Eli! It was either go along with Volpe or risk the murder of his entire family! I agree that he should have explained this to you, and you might've understood if he did...but this isn't my son's fault. The witchfinder he was paired with by Volpe made sure Dan didn't have to kill any witches. Oskar murdered him, and then threatened to kill Daniel. It's no surprise that Dan defended himself and attacked him, but all Dan did was cut his face- nothing more."
I've grown to like Eli, and I like that he makes Dan happy- but he'll never truly understand the life of a normal, working person. He'll never understand that circumstances are often inescapable for everyday families, and that most people aren't going to put anything before the safety of their family.
"That's bullshit. Oskar never would have done that to my partner- and if it did happen, Oskar would have told me- wouldn't he? - No, why would he have told me? Why the fuck would anyone tell me anything?"
"Eli, Gideon isn't lying to you," Violeta interrupts. "I can tell he isn't lying. Listen to him."
"All people do is hold everything back from me thinking I can't handle it, even when I deserve to know! You, Violeta - my brother, and now my partner, and even my father. I'm sick to death of it!"
Before I can attempt to reason with him, he slams the door behind him, and I lose sight of him amongst the pouring rain and thunderstorm. Violeta lets out something close to a forced sigh, and gives me an apologetic look.
"I apologise, Gideon. It's partially my fault. He recently found out I killed his abusive birth father, Samuel Annorin."
I can't help but chuckle gleefully. "Well, knowing you killed Samuel Annorin, you're welcome back here anytime. If you'd like, I could make some tea."
"No, no, thank you. I cannot drink anything other than blood."
"Ah. Well...that's not on offer, I'm afraid," I say, laughing, "but I'm glad we met. I apologise for everything that happened. I am glad beyond belief that my sons are still alive, and to know that yours is not…I can’t imagine what kind of pain you are in.”
"No apology needed, Gideon," she replies, with what might be an attempted smile. "You didn't kill him. You and I are quite similar, I see- utterly fearless, willing to defend the people close to us no matter what."
She moves closer to me, and I step back, fearing she's going to take a nibble at my throat- only to find her arms behind me, awkwardly. At first, I wonder what she's trying to do- then I realise it's supposed to be...a hug? A cold, uncomfortable, but well-intended embrace.
"I'm not good at this, Gideon. But I am trying to be caring. I do genuinely appreciate what you did and your honesty, and your willingness to do what is right for your children. You and I have both made mistakes in the past, but I do believe that, deep down, you are a good person."
To forgive me for what I did to Oskar, for what I was about to do- I didn't expect it, but it's taken a lot of strength for a creature driven by aggressive urges to do such a thing.
"Someday, we will be rid of Lord Volpe. For the most part, it was him who killed my son. Someday, he will come to regret it."