CONTENT WARNING: Deals with terminal illness, fears for a sick loved one, mentions of a past war, alcohol consumption (not responsibly this time, but it’s in good fun and is meant to be comical). A fairly emotional chapter, but mostly positive ones this time.
Oskar's diary entry
To see everyone's faces, it only hurt even more. Little Róisín, sitting on her father's lap...Reynold doing his best to comfort her, knowing what she was about to hear...Alistair and Violeta, furious, with vengeful looks on their faces. A whole room full of broken hearts.
Róisín had run off up to my bedroom, crying her eyes out. I tried to calm her, but she wouldn't stop blubbering, the poor thing. She was so used to the idea that her grandfather would live forever, and now he wasn't going to be around anymore- that was more or less what she said to me. I told her that a very clever man had found it earlier than last time, and I wouldn't be gone yet. I told her to be brave, and that crying didn't make her weak.
She noticed that I, too, couldn't hold back my tears. I told her that, yes, even ex-vampires and ex-soldiers cry. She promised me that she would be brave, and her mother and father comforted her. Everyone else had left without another word. Reynold told me that many of them were incredibly hurt by the news.
I plan to devote the rest of this week to spending some good time with friends and family. That way, if the inevitable happens a little sooner than I think it will, then I will die knowing the people I care about know how much I love them.
[Róisín's letter to Oskar- the following morning.
The ink is slightly smudged with water.]
Oskar,
Father helped me write this letter.
Yesterday was very sad but not just for us, but for you too. You were going to live forever and ever and now the physician gave you some very bad news. You must be so hurt and upset. I hope you are not feeling too ill. You looked a bit stiff when you were walking in. I hope the physician can give you some medicine or something.
When you cried yesterday I didn't know how to make you feel better. I didn't know an ex-soldier or an ex-vampire could cry. I don't really see adults cry. Sometimes I see Mother cry, and it makes me sad. Mother says to me that just my presence makes her feel better. I hope my presence yesterday made you feel a little better. When you are around it makes me happy and I want to make you happy too. I found out that the physician who is helping you is Uncle Eli's older brother! Maybe I will write him a letter saying thank you, but Eli says he's very busy and a bit grumpy.
You asked me to promise you that I would be brave. Promise me that you will be brave too, okay?
Love you,
- Róisín
[Oskar's letter to Róisín - the same day. The ink is slightly smudged with water.]
Róisín,
Your letter was very well written, and very appreciated. You are right- I was very upset, but I am going to do some fun things with my friends and family to help me feel better. Some day this week, we will try to do something fun together! Don't worry, the physician is giving me medicine for those sorts of things. I think Owen would be very happy if you wrote him a letter! Don't worry, he isn't as grumpy as Eli says.
I promise I will be brave, Róisín- for you.
Much love,
- Oskar
[Róisín's letter to Owen]
To Mr. Dr. Annorin,
I am Oskar's granddaughter Róisín. You helped him when he was sick. He said you couldn't cure him, but you helped him all you could. I wanted to say thank you, but I'm not sure how because Eli says you are always very busy. Thank you for helping my grandfather. I have heard lots of bad things about some people in your family but Eli and Oskar say very good things about you and that you do lots and lots for everyone in Henford. Thank you very much.
It's not very good, but I drew you a gryphon because Eli said you liked them. I hope you like it!
From Róisín
* * *
[Oskar's diary entry - labelled 'Day 1: Violeta']
I decide to visit Violeta first. My heart aches for her unimaginably. She was going to lose one of the only men she ever trusted, and her best friend- and son- who she'd known for almost one hundred and thirty years. She held me like a child, telling me how much she loved me, how much I meant to her, how knowing me had helped her to come to value her immortality- an immortality she did not choose. I can't thank her enough for all that she has done for me.
I told Violeta that she was an excellent mother, but I told her that she would have to eventually try to heal- not just from my loss, but from her entire life. The weight of her entire life has weighed her down for so long, and I just wish she could be happy. Life has not been kind to Violeta, but I want her to try to move forward when she's ready. She's a talented woman. She can go far easily, but I don't just want her to be successful - I want her to be happy. Genuinely happy.
She showed me the painting she made of me at Windenburg- it's beautiful. she's also painted two gryphons to gift to Owen Annorin, both as a thank you and as an apology for apparently strangling him at some point? - Both are gorgeous, but she isn't sure which she prefers.
She had me stood there for hours and hours! And after she was done painting me once, she wanted another one of me wearing a dress! I wasn't happy with that at all, but I let her do it anyway- she'll want something to remember me by, and I appreciate her wanting both facets of my identity on the canvas. The paintings were amazingly detailed. I did tell her to hide my scar and my recently-acquired pudginess, but in her words, 'I paint my models as they are, in all their beauty and perfection.' It's been amazing to see her studio, and all of the lovely artwork most people don't get to see. She has a lot of hidden depths.
Violeta always used to tell me about her home country and the concept of 'dor', a powerful longing for something. Yet another reason my eventual passing will break her heart even more. She always told me that home was in people and not places. I just hope that, someday, she will find home in someone else- a friend, a child, a lover. She may not think so, but she's deserving of so much love, if only she'd let others in.
She asked me a serious question- when the inevitable happens, where I want to be. Back before I'd spent years living without having to consider my eventual death, I always told myself I'd want to be with my mother and father in Windenburg.
[Violeta- a note jotted in Oskar's diary, before his entry about her]
You have been an incredible friend, and an even more incredible son. I am thankful that we met for so many reasons. I am glad that I was able to save you- you had so much potential, and it's been a pleasure watching you grow. It feels almost as if I've raised you from birth. Talented, loving, protective- you're everything anyone else could want in a friend or a child alike. In a world full of untrustworthy, unkind people, you are a shining light, and always had been.
I will never meet anyone else like you, Oskar. You are unique, but thankfully, it is your uniqueness that will cement you in the memory in all of the people who love you. None of us can, or will, ever forget you. I promise you, Samuel Annorin will not get away with what he's done. I know you told me that you want me to try and heal, but I cannot heal until he is dealt with. Do not worry about me, Oskar- I have an old woman's endurance. Nothing can perturb me.
I understand how much this must hurt you deep down. Whenever you feel as if the world is collapsing down upon you, I hope you can re-read this message to remind you of how much you are loved.
Your mother,
- Violeta
* * *
[Oskar's diary entry- labelled 'Day 2: Reynold']
Today's stop- the Peteran Monastery. I'd fallen asleep for a short while, it seemed, and when I woke up Reynold looked a little annoyed that no-one was listening. He'd done another sermon on hope, and asked if anyone else wanted to speak- so I did.
If it weren't for Reynold, I would likely not be feeling much in the way of hope. He once told me that hope doesn't mean tricking yourself into feeling good about the future- it's about trusting in the fact that there is always a fleeting chance that things may get better- and, for Henford, they have.
I told everyone of my limited time, and about how Henford is slowly improving. Witchfinders gradually being driven out, the efforts of people like Katlego, Owen, and of course, the father of the monastery. I tell everyone that they're in good hands with Reynold, and how much he's done for me and everyone else. He's come a long way since I first met him in Nebelstadt, and I told him of this. Once everyone left, Reynold sat me with him and prayed for me, so I do so along with him- after accidentally doing the Jacoban prayer position three times.
Reynold warns me that, in a meeting with the Eye of Jacob, Juniper, she has caught on to the possibility of him being the werewolf, or a witch, or both. She was suspicious for many different reasons, namely the werewolf that saved Clementia from witchfinders, which he says she admitted to sending after her. I've never met this Clementia, but I'm glad she got away safely. On top of that, the former Eye of Jacob, Julian, his realisation of his errors came not long after he was miraculously saved from certain death, and this Juniper noted he seemed less stern about the Peterans and witches shortly after.
She told Reynold to prove his innocence by going to her cathedral upon the night of the full moon, which of course, he didn't do. Now he's got a lot to worry about- both his people and his family, but whatever comes of this, I will defend him, the witches, whoever else from the witchfinders. Until the day I rot away from this illness, I will put a stop to any witchfinder who crosses my path. I told Reynold that he would make the right decision, and he told me never to doubt my words again, because I always know exactly what to say.
[Reynold's note for Oskar- given to him after their meeting. It is a shorter, written version of the prayer he made for him, given to him on paper as a sort of affirmation. It is pasted in his diary.]
Watcher, we both know not what the future holds, but I ask you to give me the strength to overcome whatever may lie ahead, and I ask you to remind me of the light when the path ahead seems dark.
[Oskar's letter to Reynold- sent after the meeting]
Things may seem bleak at present, but I know that you know what is best for your followers and your family. There has always been so much weight on your shoulders, but remember that you are armed with knowledge you didn't have before. When we met, you were a lost young man in your twenties, and today, you are a confident man in your thirties, with the knowledge of the years- and now of his heritage- guiding his way. Remember our discussion from way back when we first met- we were both monsters who bonded over our knowledge of what it was like to lose control. We must focus on what we can control if we are to move forward.
Take care,
- Oskar
[Reynold's letter to Oskar, posted shortly after]
Oskar,
As always, as it has been since we first met, your kind words are always needed, and always appreciated. Do not worry about me, worry about yourself, and make sure you rest. I will do whatever is necessary for my family and my people, whatever is to come of the new Eye of Jacob and her schemes. It's safe to say that I feel much older than my thirties after all that has happened, but I must keep my head up high regardless of what lies ahead.
Much love,
- Reynold
* * *
[Oskar's diary entry - labelled 'Day 3: Eli']
[The beginning of the page has slurred, unintelligble handwriting.]
I have no idea what was that supposed to mean- only that my head is thumping. I recall Eli and I being at the inn, a wonderful blood-red wine with notes of oak and a strong strawberry and grape flavour on the palate, me ordering a drink for everyone in the inn, and coming home with one thousand Simoleons less in my wallet. Eli said he had to carry me all the way home- I'm so proud of him.
He apologised for 'sounding abrupt' last night. I'd asked him if we could discuss the future in more detail, and he doesn't want to think or talk about it right now. I suppose there's always time once the news is less fresh in his mind.
The reason for that lavishness, according to Eli, was that it was a celebration of my son's success, and a mass toast to his future. Eli knows exactly what he's doing- he'll go far. He says he might get little Róisín to carry on the art of making the signature notch or dent in the wood. He's mastered my signature, saying that he doubts anything with Annorin carved into it would sell for much.
He's come so far since we first met, from a shy fifteen-year-old boy to a confident young man of twenty. I just hope that Daniel keeps his promise to me. Eli deserves to know the truth, and there might come a time where I'm not strong enough to come after him if he doesn't. I just hope, if that falls apart, that Eli will find someone else who loves him. I'm sure he could easily find someone else. I will have to send a quick note to Owen about possibly getting something for the terrible migraine...
[Owen's response to Oskar's letter to him about the medicine, attached with a remedy]
Herr Nivelheim,
My formal agreement with you was that I would supply you with anything that would help alleviate symptoms of your illness for no charge to you. I do not believe that a hangover is a symptom of your illness. I hope this remedy will at least ease the migraine. Take as much time as you need to pay.
A pleasure doing business with you,
- Dr. Owen Annorin
[Eli's note for Oskar, left on his coffee table]
Since you were too drunk to remember anything nice I said to you last night, I figured I would write it down for you to read this morning. I told you that you were, and still are, an amazing teacher, and an even better father. If anything, you saved me from a miserable life under Samuel Annorin. I don't know if I can ever thank you for that properly, but I appreciate everything you've done for me, and when the inevitable happens, I will remember everything you've taught me. I'm not going to change your signature, either. Your name will live on in my work. I know we still have plenty of time left, but I figured you might need a little pick-me-up, so whenever you get down, maybe read this. I hope that, if things do get worse for you, and I have to do this alone, that I will still make you proud.
- Love from your son,
Eli
[Oskar's diary entry- labelled 'Day 4 - Alistair']
I knew that Alistair would almost be as heartbroken as Violeta was. Alistair and I had plenty of history, and not only was he losing a close friend and a brother from his war days- he'd be the last known survivor of the Bloodmoon, and no-one else in his life would know the pain and sacrifice of it all.
I understand that things have not always been perfect with him- after all, he made plenty of mistakes as a father- but at least he is trying to right those wrongs. For once, giving someone a chance was worth it in the end.
I decided to show him one of my feminine outfits. When I first met him by the River Glimmer, the way he spoke to me had me rolling on the floor laughing. He didn't recognise it was me and began flirting with me. He told me the shame wasn't in flirting with a man, it was in flirting with his former superior! I told him I wasn't his 'former' superior because I'm still better than him in every way, but it didn't do anything to stop him blushing. He was a little confused at first as to what I was trying to tell him, until I told him that someone who is both man and wolf needn't be confused about someone who is both man and woman. I think he sort of understands. Even if he doesn't always know what to say sometimes, Alistair has always been incredibly understanding of me, and I've always appreciated him for it. He did ask out of pure curiosity about how I made the breasts look so realistic, but after teasing him and telling him he can't just ask people about their breasts, I told him it's a secret!
He gave a prayer to those who fell, those who gave their lives for the safety of supernatural folk, and gave a well-wish to the Watcher for the ongoing safety of those with magic. After that, we reflected on the good times and laughed together, as if we were still young men. It didn't end without Alistair's tears, but I did what I could to try and comfort him. I didn't tell him about Reynold's revelation to me about Juniper- I didn't want to upset him further.
I think Alistair is in some kind of denial of it all, even more than I am. He keeps coming up with all of these plans for when I'm eventually used to it, or even better, thanks to Owen's remedies.
I told him politely what my mother and father always used to tell me when I planned too far ahead, and when I made assumptions about the future:
[The quote is written in flourished handwriting.]
Don't praise the day before the evening.
We can't be sure of what is going to come of all this. We have to take things as they come. That is why I am making the most of the time with the people I love now, while I'm well enough to do so.
[Alistair's letter to Oskar]
Oskar,
I'm glad we were able to visit the Bloodmoon memorial in higher spirits. I apologise that I let my emotions get the better of me. I'm sure everyone has been telling you how much you mean to them, but you've done so much for me that I don't know where to start- and not just for me, but for your friends, family, and your fellow men all those years ago. I know that I've seen you do some absolutely terrifying things in the past, but everything you did, you did to protect innocent people. If you didn't give me the kick up the backside I needed, I wouldn't have known my children were still alive, and I wouldn't have been trying to mend things with them both. That is all thanks to you, Oskar. I'm not entirely sure how I thank you for all that you have done, but if you ever need anything feel free to send a note or send Eli over.
And I hope you didn't misunderstand my comment on the feminine clothing, and you saying you felt both male and female. I wasn't sure what you meant at first, which is why I might have raised an eyebrow. Whatever you do, so long as it works for you, is fine by me. Do what feels right and what gives you joy.
And I was not flirting with you! I was merely giving you the politeness any decent man would give a lady because I didn't know said 'lady' happened to be my superior years ago!
- Alistair
[Oskar's letter to Alistair
The ink seems to be running down the page.]
You needn't apologise for showing emotions, Alistair. This is as tough on you and the other as it is on me. It's been a pleasure watching you grow over the years, and I am glad that you are making an honest effort to right your wrongs, unlike many people I've met. You were an excellent soldier, and you are a great friend to me. You have an understanding of me that others don't, and it means the world.
Oh no, I understood it perfectly. It definitely sounded like flirting to me. I wouldn't be too embarassed. People flirt with their current and former bosses all of the time! Besides, you were the last of the men in our group during the Bloodmoon to admit that you found me attractive in some way or form. It was only a matter of time.
[There are lipstick kisses all over the pages.]
Love from,
- Oskar
P.S don't worry, the ink is running because of tears of laughter.
P.S.S. Do not take the second paragraph too seriously, I am just joking around.
[Oskar's diary entry- labelled 'Day 5: Dinah']
Dinah had left early on the day of finding the news, which she'd apologised for- it was a lot for her to bear at the time. When I asked Dinah what she felt like doing for the day, she mentioned something about always having a fondness for the ballroom, but not so much the time for it. So, first thing was first- a trip to Faiza, Willow Creek's best luxury tailor and dressmaker. As Faiza always does, she had something perfect for her, a gorgeous dress entirely in red, and a ruby necklace to match. Dinah gawked at the price of it, but it didn't matter- it was my treat. That, and after my recent overindulgences in culinary delights, I owed myself something new and fancy.
The night was clear, so the two of us decided to head to our favourite spot to stroll around- the old Henford ruins. We danced near the waterfall, under the stars. I was a little unsteady on my feet, but I'd explained to her the last time I'd done any formal dancing, I wasn't the man. I realised she was holding back. She told me it was because she didn't want to step on my toes- metaphorically speaking. I told her not to worry, and that I felt comfortable with her.
Though Dinah and I feel differently for each other, it was only in the sense of how we loved the other one. Hers was a romantic kind of love, and mine a platonic one, but that didn't mean I didn't think the world of her, especially after her understandings where many strangers would have had none at all.
[Dinah's letter to Oskar]
Oskar,
I hope none of this sounds strange or as if I am overstepping a line. Yesterday was amazing- I can't thank you enough for the dress and the necklace, and the dance felt magical, in a sense, like I was living one of my childhood fantasies. Being with you is special to me. I spend so much time in the company of men who are paying me for lustful reasons, that it is freeing to be in the company of a man who just wants my friendship and nothing more from me. As good as I am at my profession, to be in the company of someone who just wants to get to know me for me is refreshing.
I know you worry that I think you don't care about me- I just want you to know that I think no such thing. I know you think the world of me, as I think the world of you. I am no longer upset about your situation, but please do not take this the wrong way. All my life I've tried to tell myself that all of the best things in life are temporary. It's how we learn the true value of the things we love in life. And I hope that, though it seems difficult right now, you might come to realise this yourself. At least, I hope you can. In my life, people have not stayed for long. People have come and gone, sometimes quicker than I liked, but I valued my time with the good people, as I will value the time I've spent with you.
- Dinah x
[Oskar's letter to Dinah]
I have much to be thankful to you for, Dinah- for the way you understood me when other strangers perhaps might not have. For the way you were there for me when my bloodlust was getting the better of me, without a sliver of judgment. Ever since I arrived at Henford, you helped me feel at home in your own way, and that means everything to me. I can't promise anything just yet, but if I can keep the aching pains at bay, perhaps we could partake in another dance sometime. It's probably good to keep moving, as much as I want to sit around and do nothing.
- Oskar
* * *
[Oskar's diary entry- Day 6: Áine and Róisín]
Róisín needed some distraction, so I bought around the toys that Eli made for her- a whole wooden wolf pack, which she adored. She's already began naming them and coming up stories for them all, their personalities, and their adventures in the forests.
When I ask her mother how she's doing, I'm not surprised to find that she doesn't really tell me how she's been, or what she's been up to. Áine told me of Juniper's threat, and Reynold's own anxieties over it all. She panicked that people would come for him, but I told her that, whatever happens, he'll know what to do- and so will she. She's strong and she's fierce, and she'll do anything to protect her children.
To take our mind off things, I helped Áine bake some delicious brownies, which earned the Róisín seal of approval. We probably could have left someone for Áine, but could she blame us? They were perfect!
Áine tells me about the people she used to teach in a small village, and that she'd love to go back to teaching magic- only that she's struggling whilst trying to protect her daughter, and now with Reynold to worry about- but I tell her that she has to live for herself as well as for her family. She is as important as they are. I tell her the same that I told Reynold- that she needs to have faith in herself and her intuition. I believe a mother's intuition is rarely wrong.
[Áine's letter to Oskar]
You not only saved my life, but my daughter's and my partner's. I owe you so much and yet I haven't had the time to truly show you how much I appreciate you, except with those brownies, I suppose. Thank you for all that you did for me and little Róisín back in Nebelstadt, for all that you've done for Reynold, and for my little brother Eli. You've done nothing but look after everyone else your entire life, and yet you tell me to be less selfless. You know how it is, how being the one to look after people means you can never think about yourself at all even if you really want to. I wish I could live in the now, now in the past and not in the panic-ridden future. When things become difficult, I will think of you.
- Áine
This is the Mark of the Dragon, the symbol of Wild magic- unrelenting, fearless, powerful, just like you. If you ever feel powerless and weak, remember the Dragon- it reminds me of what I am capable of on my darkest days. Maybe it can do the same for you.
[Oskar's letter to Áine]
You don't need to thank me. I took in travellers from all over the place to protect them, both from the Strongs and from my mother's bloodlust. I couldn't leave you out there by yourself, especially not whilst you were pregnant. I am just happy that you made it through, and that Róisín is such a wonderful little girl. I've enclosed the letter I wrote for her upon her birth in this envelope- could you please give it to her sometime? I think she's old enough to appreciate it now.
You should be proud of yourself, and the reason I tell you to be less selfless when I have devoted most of my life to helping others is because that's what parents do- they work hard, sometimes drain themselves, and they teach their children not to do any such thing. You know how it is, don't you? You work all day and night long because you love your daughter, but you want her to enjoy her life and have fun as opposed to just work all day long.
It's amazing how much can be portrayed in just a few simple lines. Utterly meaningless to a witchfinder, and yet to a witch, a symbol of safety, sanctuary, and solidarity, that powerful magic did not die alongside the dragons. I will keep it in mind when things feel as if they are too much to bear. You are an amazing daughter, Áine, and I cannot wait to finally have more time to spend with you now I can settle down.
Love, your father,
- Oskar
* * *
[Oskar's diary entry- Day 7: What next?]
A day to myself, it seems. Reynold has another day at the monastery responding to letters and doing his charitable work, Áine is planning to take Róisín out on a trip, Eli is at his brother's...It has been a busy week, and I should be trying to take it easy now
[the 'w' trails off.]
Oskar
Outside, the screams of men and women alike echo through the streets. The chants of overconfident men soon drown out the screams.
The cries about the Watcher's vengeance, the cries about how witches and wolves alike will hang, drown and burn.
There is no time to rest- not when so many witchfinders are afoot. I take a sip of Owen's remedy, put on my coat, and take my sword. Griselda's gone. She's with Eli. He'll be safe in the mansion with Owen. Violeta will still be awake; she'll be at their throats in no time. As for Aine, Róisín and Reynold...
First, I must go and find Alistair.