CONTENT WARNING: sexual intercourse (not pictured or described in NSFW detail) as well as a sexual joke
discussions of: murder, traumatic situations, domestic abuse
mention of: vomiting, homophobia, bad language
Daniel
I've been learning from Micah for about a week now. I'm at least thankful I've been put with someone like Micah. For someone who kills witches, he's at least polite about it. We found the witch Lord Volpe had sent us after and Micah, knowing I couldn't stomach it, slit her throat and told Volpe that I did it. I wanted to smack the pride straight off the 'Tartosan fox's face.
I watched as the blood spilled from her throat, soaking her white dress to deep red in what must have been seconds. I remember the way her body fell limp in his arms, the way he did his best to give her a 'proper' burial, the bubbling choking sound that erupted from her throat. I threw up into the grass and collapsed into tears. Micah held me and tried to calm me as best as he could, but that image hasn't disappeared. Every day I came back home and feigned a smile for Father's sake.
"So what's been keeping you out so late, then?"
I told him I'd gotten a temporary job of delivering goods around Henford. He asks if there's any positions for Josiah, but I tell him it involves a lot of talking and Josiah wouldn't get on with it; his anxiety has only been getting worse, but I don't blame him for that. I don't know what to tell Father at first, and then I remember Eli. Having a partner was enough of a reason to be out so late so often. I choke on the truth, and only tell him half of it.
"Ah, well, I've been keeping quiet about it, but I have a...partner?"
Father chuckles to himself. "Oh, a partner, I see? When do I get to meet the lucky girl, then?"
"I don't know, Father. My partner is pretty shy, and I'm usually too busy with the delivery work to actually see them as much as I'd like to. You know how it is. Work, work, work."
"Oh, don't worry so much. Come Spring, we can get back to it, right?"
Josiah sees straight through my lies as always. When we settle down to sleep...
"What are you hiding from Father, Dan?"
Always the quiet ones. It sends a chill down my spine. Did I make it that obvious?
"I'm not hiding anything. I told him about my delivery job, what more does he need to know?"
"Not about your job, about your 'partner'."
I take a deep breath before I reply.
"I'm not lying about the partner, Josiah. We've been together for a few weeks now. He's great."
"He?"
"Yeah? What of it?"
"Nothing. Just never took you for the type, that's all. Still, you know Father won't care about that. He just wants you to be happy."
And if Father finds out I've found happiness in the youngest son of the Annorin family, then that would spell an enormous argument that I don't have time for. I retreat to my own bed. I'm hardly in the mood for sleeping. I doubt I'll sleep tonight. I doubt I'll sleep for many nights after all I've seen lately.
"It's not the fact that my partner is a man that'll upset Father, I know that. It's who that man is."
He's my brother. I can trust Josiah not to say anything, I think. At least someone deserves to know.
"He's...the youngest son of the Annorin family."
Josiah raises an eyebrow and coughs in surprise, and his quiet voice raises into something nearly accusative. "Really, Dan? Of all the men in Henford and you fall for the rich man who's lived off the deaths of countless people in Henford?"
"He hasn't. He left his father's place when he was fifteen, was treated like filth by him up until then, and made all of his own money off of his woodwork when he became an apprentice. He isn't like Samuel Annorin, but Father will never believe me. Samuel Annorin doesn't even care about him anymore, and him having romantic relations with men is only a part of it."
"Honestly, Dan? I don't think I believe you either."
Seriously? My own brother?
"You know how these bloodlines work, Dan. It doesn't matter how nice or innocent they seem. They were still raised indirectly on the bloodshed of the people below them, and that kind of entitlement stays with you for life. I want you to be happy, Dan, but you'll only be happy if you don't get hurt-"
"It isn't that simple, Josiah! It's not all black and white, is it? You know how many people Father killed? Hundreds! Eli hasn't hurt a single soul! You can't narrow everything down into narrow boxes, Josiah."
I've had enough of this conversation. Knowing I won't sleep, I leave the house whilst Gideon is awake. Before I leave, I warn Josiah not to breathe a word to Father. If he does, I'm going to hit the roof.
Eli
Oskar is out for a walk at the moment, and my sleeping pattern is all over the place from working non-stop on my current commission.
I think us being apart more often is beneficial for now. He won't admit it, but Oskar's anxiety is through the roof, and so is mine. This is a lot for him, and he needs his space to truly process it all.
I dread the thought that Oskar won't be around for eternity, but that's not the only dread that sits with me. What sits with me, is wondering what his health will be like now he's human. Vampires can't catch illnesses of any kind, and humans can. I have little doubt in my mind now that Annorin had something to do with this, and I'm furious thinking Owen might have known something about it...which I still need to ask about. I don't know how the cure works, but part of me is worried that any illness going around now will be a huge shock to the system for him. The winter illness going around kills people all of the time, even with Katlego and my brother's combined forces helping to prevent those deaths.
I remember my brother once telling me about how some illnesses change fairly quickly, and so the cures and remedies have to change with them. Some people build a natural resistance for some time. What if Oskar's 'natural resistances' to things like the winter colds have been reset by his humanity coming back? What if the things he was resistant to one hundred and thirty years ago have changed so much today that he could catch them again and...
There's a knock at the door. I expect it to be Oskar, but it isn't. It's Dan, and he looks dishevelled. I invite him in and sit beside him, and he places his palm in mine. I warm his cold hands for him.
"Sorry. I know it's late. It's just that I have so much on my mind right now. I can't sleep at all."
He looks close to tears.
"What's troubling you?"
"Sorry, Eli, it's nothing I can discuss. It's hard to explain. I hope you don't mind me being-"
"No, no, not at all," I reply. "My father's out for a walk. He won't be back until probably tomorrow afternoon. I think he might be seeing Dinah again." I don't know what could have happened to him that's so bad he can't talk to me about it.
"Oh? A partner, is it?"
"Your guess is as good as mine," I reply, laughing. I genuinely don't know what their relationship is. Oskar always says he's never fallen in love, but he does seem especially close with her, and more than just friends is how I see it. At least, he says that's how it is on her end. On his end, I really don't know. I guess even if he doesn't feel attraction, he's just naturally a very loving person.
"I haven't been so good either. He's become human again somehow, and I've been terrified at the thought of losing him, even if I might have another ten or twenty years of him around. I just don't like the thought of losing Oskar at all. He saved my life."
Dan gives me a warm smile, and puts an arm around my shoulder for a moment. The warmth from Dan is twice that from the fireplace. I want to bring him closer, but Annorin's words echo in my mind and I instead freeze in place staring at the rug.
"You still have plenty of time with him, Eli. I don't think you should worry. Just because he's human again doesn't mean he can't live his life, right? I mean, we're human and our lives are...pretty good."
I can't keep letting Annorin win. Every time I feel myself growing closer to Daniel, his voice in my head keeps telling me to push back. My father spent years convincing me that to love anyone other than a woman was wrong, and every single time...No. I can't let Annorin win. I have to keep fighting his years'-worth of belittlements.
"You know, Dan, Oskar won't likely be back until tomorrow afternoon. Do you think I could show you something upstairs?"
* * *
"Watcher...I can't believe..."
"I was pretty nervous showing you, Dan. Sorry it took me so long."
"Don't apologise. It's amazing. Incredible. The best I've ever seen...and I didn't expect it to be so big."
"Thanks. It took me ages to carve, but I made it when I was younger."
I hadn't shown Dan any of the woodwork pieces I was most proud of yet. I still liked this one so many years on.
"I have no idea how you do it, Eli. How you did this when you were only fifteen or sixteen. You're some kind of prodigy," he says, with a proud chuckle.
"I don't know about-"
He grabs me playfully by the arms, sliding his hands all the way up until they're on my shoulders. I bring mine down, slowly. I don't realise my hands are on his backside until he teases me about it. I ignore Annorin's voice in the back of my mind, and I allow myself to get closer to him. I can't let him win. An old man stuck in the past isn't more powerful than my love for Dan.
"Don't be so modest," he replies, in a soft voice that sends a shiver down me. "You should be proud of yourself."
He gazes down at the floor for a moment.
"You have plenty of reasons to be proud of yourself, Dan."
He sighs to himself, and his eyes glisten in the candlelight. "I don't know about that, Eli."
I tighten my grip around him. "You'd tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn't you? I want you to feel like you can tell me-"
Daniel
I figure it's easier to kiss him than explain anything.
Being this close to him, I almost feel as if we're one being. His eyes and his smile...Nothing could do harm to me, not whilst I'm in his arms like this. He keeps sweet-talking me in a hushed voice, and leaving me too lost for words to reply to any of it.
I don't want to leave Eli's embrace. I don't want to go back to Volpe, back to Micah, anywhere near a witch. I just want to stay here with the man I love and never leave. If only it were that easy.
Eli pulls me in further, and his tenacious grip sends a shiver down me, our tongues in each other's mouths. For a moment, the images of the woman who got her throat slit are subsiding. I don't have to think about anything else for a while. Neither of us do.
Eli stops kissing me for a moment, asking between breaths if I'll come to bed with him. Despite the shock of it, I don't turn him down. It might be a little awkward if it's our first time, but when my father gave me and Josiah a simultaneous (awkward) speech on the matter, he told us there was a first time for everything.
How am I ever going to convince father and Josiah that Eli isn't anything like his birth father? How am I ever going to get out of the situation with Volpe? So many questions in my mind, and no answers. Eli, you might think the world of me now-
But when you inevitably find out what I've been dragged into, what I might have to do down the line-
You're going to despise me.
I'll find a way out of all of this. For me, for us, for my family, and for the witches. For now, I can forget everything for a moment, at least.
* * *
When I wake up, the candle's still burning, wax dripping onto the end table. We must have drifted straight off after. Eli's still fast asleep. The gentle rise and fall of his chest is oddly soothing. My muscles ache all over, but it's an experience I won't forget anytime soon. Ugh, if Father knew about this- it'll be bad enough to him that I'm in love with an Annorin, but to be- how can I put it- lying between the paws of the Gryphon? Probably even worse.
Eli stretches a little, heaving himself out of bed, with a pained wince once he sits up. The candlelight glistens on him. He's beautiful, even when he's this dishevelled. He utters a half-awake 'good morning' to me.
"So, are you staying here, or are you getting up for-"
"Breakfast is almost ready!"
A voice booms from downstairs- that accent. Is that Oskar?
"Shit. I thought he wouldn't be home yet."
His jovial singing in his mother tongue echoes up the stairs. I can't stop myself from shaking. All I can think about is when Oskar finds out who I am, who my father is, what I've been up to. He won't hesistate to strike me down where I stand. I don't want to draw the ire of an ex-vampire, nor an ex-soldier.
"Hey, don't worry so much," Eli says in a hushed voice, nudging me. "His food is much better now he can actually taste it properly."
Eli's touch against my bare skin leaves me short of breath, and he silences my worries with a kiss.
"Come on, get dressed. Might be less awkward introducing you over breakfast, anyhow."
* * *
Oskar
"Eli, you're up at an awfully late hour, aren't yo-"
"My apologies, but you don't seem to be Eli. Who are you?"
He stands and stares for a moment, not really saying anything until Eli walks in. "This is Daniel, Father. He's...my new partner."
A partner? And Eli has only just told me? Well, he'd better behave! I dish up a bowl of salad for all three of us, and I study his features closely across the table. He seems friendly and trustworthy enough in his introduction. He's a fisherman, and works alongside his father and twin brother. His father is one of the men who helped clear Katlego's name. Well, at least he's from a family that's kind to witches.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Daniel, but there is something I ought to tell you. I may not be a vampire anymore, but I'm no less capable of making your life incredibly difficult if you do anything to harm Eli-"
"Oskar!"
"Let me finish, Eli. Is that clear, Daniel? Do you promise to look after him?"
"Father, this isn't-"
"I promise, Oskar. Eli means the world to me."
"And do you promise to look after Daniel, Eli?"
He sighs and groans to himself. "Yes! Of course I do."
Good. That's all I needed.
Daniel seems a polite young man. I don't question why he was in my house whilst I was away. I suppose young couples need their time alone, don't they? Well, I think it's quite cute that Eli has a partner. Maybe now he'll move out. I suppose if he did, I'd probably miss him.
"Eli, you needn't worry about telling me these things.You know I would never judge you for-"
"No, Oskar, it's not that. I'm still trying to shake off years of Annorin's prejudice."
Samuel disowned Eli, and I know at least one of those reasons was due to his orientation, not just to do with him 'siding' with me during all that occured over five years ago. Daniel seems to sense my irritation at the thought, and changes the subject.
"Eli said you had a partner as well?"
"He said what?"
"No, no, I said...maybe. Maybe," Eli replies. "It's hard not to think there's something going on between you and Dinah, you know."
"Oh, don't hide your face, Daniel. No, I am not in love with Dinah. Yes, I still care about her deeply. However, she has feelings for me. We respect each other's boundaries, and that's all that matters. Not all feelings need names, do they?"
I didn't expect anyone to understand what Dinah and I had. I don't love her in the romantic sense, nor the sexual one. That doesn't mean I don't care about her, however. She means the world to me. She helped me discover who I am, as well as helping me when my vampirism would send me into paranoid spirals about harming others. I owe her for that.
A charismatic grin appears on Daniel's face. "So when did you first start getting into woodwork, Oskar?"
The look on Eli's face. A look of pure horror. And the look on my face, like a child who's been given a sugary treat.
"Oh! Well, you see, it all started when I was a toddler. I used to try 'helping' my parents by sawing a notch or making a dent in their commissions, and..."
Owen
The door slams. Why is Father heading out at such a late hour?
Then, I realise it isn't Father going out. Rather, it's my little brother making some kind of grand entrance.
"A little late, don't you think?"
"Oskar has been cured of his vampirism. Did you or Father have something to do with it?"
Goodness. A lot at once.
"What on Earth are you- Eli, what's going on?"
He shoves past me on the sofa. What's this attitude for? Whatever's happened, why would he think I'm responsible somehow?
"I know vampirism doesn't just disappear overnight, Owen! Not to mention you and Father both share a lab! If he was doing something, you would have known about it!"
I didn't even know there was a cure for vampirism. Goodness, I thought they were extinct until Oskar Nivelheim showed up out of nowhere, raised my little brother and then tried to murder my father.
"Eli, I don't know anything about a cure. I swear to you. If you're that adamant, why not go and ask him yourself?"
"Because I don't want to be anywhere near him after everything he did."
"Eli...I know that-"
"Go on. Say it. 'He's still your father'. No, he isn't! Oskar is my father, not him! Samuel even said it himself that I'm no longer his son anymore!"
Eli doesn't understand it the way I do. My generation were raised to respect our parents no matter what. They fed us, they taught us, raised us, no matter how poorly. I can't just throw all of that away, can I?
"You can't expect me to love someone who doesn't love me, Owen. I don't know why everyone seems to think I have to."
The poor thing sounds close to tears.
"Eli, you know I care about you-"
"If you cared about me, you'd stop trying to get me to reconcile with Samuel and realise what a monster he is. It doesn't matter if he's your father. He doesn't deserve you as a son. I remember everything he did to you when we were still children. I remember all the times I hid in the lab because I didn't want to see him beating you."
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get him to believe that I'm on his side. Maybe I haven't been understanding. Maybe I need to see it from his perspective. His generation knows they deserve better. Mine didn't. Mine still don't, forever trapped in the belief that we owe those who raised us, no matter how badly they raised us.
"No matter how many times I try to tell myself that my father deserves nothing, I can't bring myself to do anything about it, Eli. I feel horrifically guilty just thinking about it at all."
"You owe him nothing."
I try to change the subject.
"I'm fairly sure I would have known if Father were crafting something in the laboratory, Eli, but for your sake...I'll ask him. That's the best thing I can do. I can go through his notes and I can ask him. That's all I can do."
Father would kill me if he caught me going through his notes without his permission, but I don't think I have much choice right now. If it'll give Eli peace, then I'll do it.
He doesn't say anything. He just looks at me and leaves. I still don't think he believes that I don't know anything about this supposed cure, but I suppose I'll find out soon enough. I feel like if Father were to go after Oskar, he'd just kill him outright. He wouldn't waste any time. It'd be far easier to just send someone to impale a vampire through the chest than it would to spend possibly years crafting a cure. Besides, the two of them haven't met at all since the incident.
* * *
